Ever wondered how some couples fight, but are still so much in love with each other? Here are 23 relationship argument dos and don’ts that can help you. By Elizabeth Arthur
Couples fight about so many different things. But the most common reasons couples get into a war of words is because of bad conversations that revolve around finances, insecurities in love, and each other’s family members.]The most common things couples fight about
It always starts with something tiny, like a silly difference in
opinion. But if this difference in opinion isn’t confronted in the early
stages, it just gets suppressed and turns into disappointment or
something worse.
Arguments and accusations, by themselves, aren’t all bad. It’s the way
you accuse your lover or hurt them with the rude things you say that
leave a deeper scar. True, you may be frustrated and angry. But as an
adult, you have the ability to exercise self control and say the right
things without constantly trying to inflict pain on your partner.
The next time you get into an argument, you need to ask yourself this
question, “Are you arguing with your partner because you want to fix the
issue or are you arguing with them because you want to hurt them and
put them down?”
You need to keep in mind that you can’t take your words back in an
argument once you say it, even if you didn’t mean to say something rude!
23 dos and don’ts in a relationship argument
Not all arguments are bad for a relationship. A fight or an argument is a
plea that your partner wants to be heard. So if you find yourself
standing across the room and you can’t see anything but red, remember
that you aren’t confronting your enemy!
Here are 23 dos and don’ts in a relationship argument that you need to
keep in mind the next time you’re in a confrontation with your lover. As
long as you use these tips, your partner will feel more loved and
respected, even if they’re angry with you at that moment!
#1 Don’t be silent. When your partner confronts you or asks you
for an answer, don’t just ignore them or sit quietly like they’re not
important enough to deserve a response. You may think that ignoring them
may be the best way to deal with an angry lover, but in fact, they’ll
feel worse when you do that!
#2 Don’t raise your hand. You’d get physical only when you have
nothing worthy to say or defend yourself. You probably know you’re wrong
and can’t justify yourself, and instead of accepting defeat, you use
your hands to get even and show your power.
#3 Don’t kick them when they’re down. Don’t say extremely harsh
statements to which your partner just has no answers *which aren’t even
related to the argument* just to shut them up. “You’re a disgusting
loser who can’t hold onto a job. You have no friends, no one likes you…
you’re so miserable you make me sick…” is definitely not going to be
accepted with a smile!
#4 Don’t ignore them. After the fight, don’t ignore your partner,
especially when they’re pleading for your attention. If you don’t feel
like talking to them, request them for some time alone. It’s way better
than ignoring them and making them feel miserable.
#5 Don’t threaten your partner. Don’t say that you’re leaving or
that you want to break up when you’re in the middle of an argument. It
doesn’t matter whether you just say it to scare your partner or you
really mean it, but an angry argument is not the scenario to bring up
such a delicate issue.
#6 Don’t use profanity. Avoid verbally abusing your partner or
using profanity in an argument just to emphasize your point. It’ll just
infuriate your partner or make them get more aggressive!
#7 Don’t be arrogant. “So what are you going to do about it?” is
never a good way to communicate with your partner in the middle of an
argument. It just shows your arrogance and your disregard in trying to
understand your lover.
#8 Don’t use a few words. Avoid using words like “never” and
“always” when you’re trying to say something in an argument because
you’d only end up putting your partner on the offensive, because you’re
turning their one mistake into a lifelong curse. “You always do that…”
or “You never listen…” won’t ever help you in an argument unless you’re
trying to hurt your partner.
#9 Don’t confess just to hurt them. Many partners confess about
something in the middle of an argument, and they defiantly stand up with
their chest held high just to see how their partner would react. “Yes, I
spent MY money without telling you!” or a “I slept with your best
friend!” is not going to end the argument, it’ll just take the fight
away on a completely different tangent!
#10 Don’t deny that you’re angry. If you’re angry, just say it.
Don’t pretend and say you’re fine, when clearly, you’re not. It won’t
make you feel better nor will it help you confront the issue.
#11 Don’t rake old issues. If you’re losing an argument, don’t
bring up old issues form the past just to put your partner in place.
Talk about the matter in hand and avoid straying from the present to the
past, unless you want your partner to emotionally block themselves from
you.
#12 Don’t compare. Comparisons hurt, and you’d know that if your partner ever compared you to someone else like their ex in the middle of a fight.
#13 Don’t inflict pain. Don’t say things that could emotionally
hurt your partner, or demoralize them and make them feel more
vulnerable. You may feel like hurting them while arguing with them, but
saying something like “you’re such an loser …” or “you’re such a fool
for letting this person walk all over you” will only make your partner
see red and argue back with you even if you’re only trying to help them.
#14 Don’t gaslight. Don’t gaslight your partner, or manipulate
your partner and confuse them with false information or false stories
just to trick them into accepting what you have to say. They’ll realize
it at some point of time, and it’ll only make them lose their trust in
you.
#15 Don’t hear and tell. If someone in your family accuses your
partner of something, don’t use an argument to reveal it all like they
were always right. “My mom/dad was right about you… I really don’t know
what I ever saw in you!” may make you feel vindicated for a few seconds,
but it’ll leave your partner feeling hurt and angry, and they may just
end up giving you the silent treatment.
#16 Don’t brush away your frustrations. If you’re angry and your
partner accuses you of something, don’t brush it away under the carpet
by saying things like “whatever…” or “I don’t care what you think…”
Remember, your partner is upset with you because they’re feeling hurt.
And you behaving like a spoilt child won’t make them feel any better.
#17 Don’t ignore your partner. If you’re angry with your partner,
don’t slam the door and walk away only to hang out with your friends at
the nearest watering hole to have some fun. Trying to show your partner
that you can have a fun time without them, or trying to hurt your
partner by showing them that you don’t care about the fight will only
make both of you drift away from each other in no time!
#18 Don’t involve a third person. Don’t bring a third person as
an arbitrator when your partner isn’t comfortable fighting or arguing
their case in front of this person. Your partner may feel betrayed when
you and the third person gang up together and try to explain why you’re
right and your partner’s wrong!
#19 Do be honest. The first step in an argument is honesty. You
need to be clear about why you’re angry and you need to talk about it
with your partner. If you don’t know why you’re angry, tell your partner
that you’re not sure why you’re upset but you just are. Starting an
argument with sincerity and honesty will always help your partner
understand what hurt you or what you need, and they’ll be able to
discuss the issue instead of arguing about it.
#20 Do try to communicate. Really, why are you arguing? You’re
arguing to fix a confusion, aren’t you? So is there really a need to
hurt your partner? Instead of trying hurt them with harsh words, try to
communicate with them so they can understand you and your expectations
or demands.
#21 Do try to calm down. It’s hard to see anything but red when
you’re in the middle of an argument. But as angry as you may be, you
need to understand that anger will never fix the issue. And past
experiences would tell you the same thing. So when you feel unbearably
angry, excuse yourself or sit down quietly for a few minutes until your
anger ebbs down, and try to talk to each other without raising your
voices.
#22 Do apologize. If you think you’re wrong, swallow your pride
and tell your partner that you’re sorry. They may be taken aback by it,
but they’ll appreciate your gesture and acknowledge your sincerity. And
even if you’re right and your partner apologizes to you, you need to
tell your partner that you’re sorry too because you lost your cool or
because you misunderstood them. It’s the easiest way to avoid ego
clashes and stay humble in each other’s eyes
#23 Always make up after a fight. As angry as you may feel, or as
bitter as you may be, always make up after a fight. Walk up to your
partner and hug them tightly for a minute or two. You don’t need to say a
word, just hug them and try to remember just how much you love them,
and just how much they mean to you.
After all, fights are inevitable in a relationship. But that doesn’t
mean you should forget that both of you are in love with each other,
right?
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